Reinventing Yourself After Divorce

Divorce can be a fantastic catalyst for change, and for many people, it is an opportunity to reinvent their lives. If you’re ready to move forward and start a new chapter, here are some tips for reinventing your life after a long marriage:

  1. Take stock of your life: Before you can start reinventing your life, it’s important to take stock of where you are now. Take a step back and think about your values, your passions, and your goals. What do you want for your future? What do you want to achieve in your personal and professional life? What changes do you need to make to get there? What can you do now that you couldn’t do while married?
  2. Embrace change: Reinventing your life after a long marriage requires you to embrace change. This may mean making big decisions, such as changing careers or moving to a new city, state, or country, or it may mean making smaller changes, such as trying new hobbies or making new friends. Whatever changes you make, remember that it’s okay to feel uncomfortable or uncertain at first.
  3. Learn something new: One of the best (and most fun) ways to reinvent your life is to learn something new. This could be a new skill, such as learning a language or taking up a new hobby, or it could be a new way of thinking about the world. Look for opportunities to expand your knowledge and challenge yourself. There are many health benefits to learning, so take this time to find something you’re passionate about. If you WANT something different, you have to DO something different.
  4. Build a support network: As you reinvent your life, it’s important to have a support network of friends and family, a tribe of people who care about you. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who will encourage you to pursue your goals and dreams.
  5. Take care of your health: Your physical and mental health is key to your ability to reinvent your life. Take care of yourself by eating a healthy diet, getting regular exercise, and practicing self-care. If you’re struggling with mental health issues, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.
  6. Stay open to new opportunities: Finally, as you reinvent your life, it’s important to stay open to new opportunities. Keep an open mind and be willing to take risks. You never know where your next opportunity may come from.

One of the biggest challenges for older people is getting stuck in their ways. They develop unique “I’m too old” limiting beliefs which are a sure way to lost your zest for life. Remember the movie, “Mame” with Rosalind Russell? In this scene, Mame is trying to convince her assistant, Agnes (played by Peggy Cass) to come out of her shell. “Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death.”

Don’t starve! Get in line at the banquet table; better yet, serve up your own banquet with international dishes of opportunities out there and jump right into it! This is a golden opportunity! Yes, reinventing your life after a long marriage can be a challenge, but it can also be a rewarding and empowering experience. By taking stock of your life, embracing change, learning something new, building a support network, taking care of your health, and staying open to new opportunities, you can create a new and fulfilling life for yourself.

Reinvent Yourself Program

From “Divorced” to “Happily Single”

Kimberly Kelley

Going through a divorce after a long marriage can be an incredibly difficult experience. Not only are you dealing with the emotional pain of a relationship ending, but you may also be facing significant changes in your day-to-day life, such as moving to a new home, adjusting to new financial realities, and taking on new responsibilities for day-to-day living. However, getting through this difficult time and rebuilding your life is possible. Here are some tips for getting over a long marriage after divorce:

  1. Give yourself time to grieve: Divorce is a major life change, and it’s natural to feel sad, angry, and confused. Allow yourself time to process your emotions and grieve the end of your marriage. This may involve talking to a therapist or counselor, joining a support group, or simply taking time alone to reflect on your feelings.
  2. Take care of yourself: During this difficult time, it’s important to take good care of yourself. Make sure you’re eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. If you’re struggling with stress or anxiety, consider trying meditation or other relaxation techniques.
  3. Connect with others: While it’s important to take time to process your emotions, it’s also important to connect with others and build a support network. Spend time with friends and family members who care about you, and consider joining a social group or taking up a new hobby to meet new people.
  4. Set realistic goals: When you’re going through a divorce, it can be easy to feel overwhelmed by all the changes that are happening in your life. Setting realistic goals can help you stay focused and motivated. For example, you might set a goal to find a new job, move to a new home, or start a new hobby.
  5. Focus on the future: While processing your emotions, it’s also important to focus on the future and the life you want to create next. Instead of dwelling on the past, try to think about what you want for your future and set goals that will help you get there.
  6. Seek professional help if needed: If you’re struggling to cope with the emotional and practical challenges of divorce, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide support and guidance as you navigate this difficult time.

Getting over a long marriage after divorce is never easy, but with time, self-care, and support, it is possible to move forward and create a new life for yourself. Remember to be kind to yourself, take things one day at a time, and focus on the future.

I’ve developed a program for people who are struggling with moving from “divorced” to “single and loving it!” Reinvent Yourself, Reinvent Your Life. Call me for a free 15 minute consultation (615) 406-3689.

What You See Is What You Get

I watched a video about a man who considered himself very logical, materialistic, if you couldn’t touch it, see it, or measure it, weigh it, it simply didn’t exist.  Howard was young, handsome, charismatic, and at the age of 26, he had earned his PhD and was a tenured Art professor living in Paris with his wife. 

He said, “If I met you, I would get you to admire me, to be a fan, to be a fan of my work, and all you would be to me was someone to feed my ego,” and he treated people in just that way.  If you weren’t interacting with him in order to feed his ego, he had no use for you.

While in France, Howard got sick and was told by his doctor that he had an hour to live, because there were no surgeons available to repair the tear in his duodenum which was dumping all kinds of toxins into the rest of his body. So, he died.

Clearly this is a story about a Near Death Experience, and today, I want to share Howard’s story about his time “on the other side”.  

In his life review he was shown all of his interactions with other people over his adult lifetime.  He was shown not only HIS behavior and words, but what happened to the person after their interaction. He watched all the times he was unkind, rude, sarcastic to other people and he could see and feel how they felt as they walked away, hurt, embarrassed, sad, angry, and . . . 

. . . as he continued watching, he felt the spirits’ disappointment grow . . . and he became more and more disappointed in himself which became absolutely unbearable, and he said, please, please stop, I get it, I get it, but they told him no, and continued moving through every interaction he ever had.  

The interesting thing was that they didn’t show him things like getting his PhD or when he got his tenure or any of the other life events that he was so proud of, that he thought gave him value and made him a good human being. No, . . .

They pointed out things like “see here’s where you ignored a student that really, really needed a friend.”

And he watched the student walk away crushed, ultimately giving up his dream to become an artist, and leaving school.

Finally it was over, and he said to the spirits that he really did get it, that we were all here to love each other.  Not insincere love or transactional love, just love.  

What this story did for me was remind me of my interactions with others over my life and I’m sure I can’t remember them all, but I remember plenty that I’m sure I’ll be watching with disappointment in my life review when the time comes.

You see, like Howard, we become so self-absorbed, self-serving, self-important only looking for ways to get our own needs met and don’t get me wrong, we all need to find ways to get our needs met, but NOT at the expense of others.   

When the spirits explained to Howard that he wasn’t staying, that he was going back, he begged them to let him stay, saying he didn’t want to, that there was nothing but ugliness, anger, hatred, greed everywhere down there.

And here’s what really stuck with me and what I want to share with you today. Spirit said, “what’s in your heart is what you’re seeing” and to that, I would add “What you see is what you get.”

So, I ask you, what’s in your heart?  Do you really know?  I don’t think we can hold anger, hate, greed in our heart and see beauty all around.

One way to know for sure is to look at yourself in the mirror, what am I seeing?  The wrinkles, the extra weight, eyes that don’t smile, OR am I seeing a reflection of the Divine in me?  

When you look around at your family, your community and your country and the world am I seeing devastation, war, grief, hatred? Or am I seeing all the many resources the Creator has put on our planet to serve us, electricity, fuel, food (even out of season), contractors who build, demolition crews that tear down the old to make way for the new, people helping each other, rescuing animals, people.  

No  matter what you believe about some of these things, we all use them and they all have their purpose.

And there you have the choice — to focus on the negative or CHOOSE to see the positive, choose to see love or well, not.

So what IS in your heart?  

It’s so easy to look at something like a baby or a puppy or kitten and feel all gushy and warm inside, it’s so easy to love them, but little ones grow up, they develop their own personalities, discover their own wants, they’re no longer interested in making you happy, they’re learning to make themselves happy and frankly, you don’t always factor into that equation!  

And you know most people’s hearts aren’t “always” anything, we fluctuate up and down a bit, but we DO have a predominant point at which our heart operates.  

You can only see what you resonate with . . . what your vibration is attuned to plus or minus.  

Maybe you see hate in the world, wars, greed in big corporations, tragedies, “Oh, But that’s what’s really happening out there!!”  Yeah, it might be, but unless you’re willing to do something about it, to get involved, all you’re doing is staying upset, angry, anxious.  Is that really what you want to spend your time doing?  

Let’s face it, some of us have a lot more time in our past than we do in our future, do you really intend to spend your time feeling indignant, outraged, self-righteous because not everyone watches the same news channel, reads the same blogs, listens to the same podcasts, or maybe they’re not “woke” which it sounds like bad grammar to me, or maybe it just means those who don’t believe the way you do. 

When we can look around, when we can KNOW that everyone is on their perfect path, that they are right where they need to be and they don’t need US to convert them, convince them or lead them . . . then we see nothing and I mean nothing but love all around. If they want to change, great, but it’s not for us to assume that others need to change so I’ll feel better about myself.

Start seeing all the wonderful things that individuals, organizations and big corporations are doing to make their communities and the planet better.

Because there’s a lot of really great things happening out there.  Why not keep your eyes on that?  If it’s true and I think it is, that what we focus on expands, why would you do anything else?

From a therapist’s standpoint, I know why, but this isn’t a therapy session, I just want you to practice this when you feel that tightness in your chest, feel your blood pressure rising.  Recognize it as a thought or a belief that you want to change.

Rewind back to the thing that happened that caused you to have the thought or response, replay it in slow motion, feel into your heart and recognize that’s where you are. When you recall that thought, think an opposing thought. There’s no judgment and more importantly, don’t judge yourself because IT’S JUST YOUR PERCEPTION and perceptions can change.

I’ve heard there are some who can watch the news, acknowledge there are unwanted events going on, and yet, somehow manage to see the good in it. 

They might see wars as a way for disenfranchised people and countries to regain some of their power, a way for some to have jobs!  And both perceptions are right . . . for the person seeing them.

But that sure seems like a lot of work.

For me, it’s easier and actually, I’m MUCH happier just not watching. To be honest, if it involves politics or any elections that might be coming up . . . let’s be honest . . . the “news” channels, podcasts, social media, The Sky is Falling gurus are the LAST place I want to get unbiased information.  LOL!  REMEMBER ITS ALL ABOUT RATINGS AND GROWING THE AUDIENCE.  

If I see people en masse peeling out in the cars, loaded down with stuff like the beverly hillbillies, I’ll turn on my radio and see what the hubbub is.  

Common sense tells us to believe that we experience the world as it objectively is.  “What you see is what you get” “Seeing is believing”

But it’s so much more complex than that.

Because it’s not just our eyesight that influences our beliefs and behaviors.  It’s how we were raised, what we were taught, life experiences.

Now, I’m not going to tell you that you NEED to change your beliefs, but what I would love to share with you today is a way to expand your perception of the world IF you find yourself upset by world events, people’s behavior, or simply your own life experiences by changing your perceptions.

I don’t remember if I’ve told you this before, but there was a young woman in the Unit I was stationed at in England.  She had these rosy apple cheeks, a goof grin all the time and looked like she was just going to burst out in joyful laughter at any moment and looking around at what was going on in the world and more importantly what my unhealthy mental and emotional state was at the time, I used to snicker and say to myself, “She is proof positive that ignorance is bliss.”  

Well, knowing what I know now, I get it.  Her perception of life was nothing like mine which was why she was so blissfully happy and . . . well, I wasn’t!  

No matter what you assume or believe it’s just your perception of an event— completely made up courtesy of your beliefs. 

But the good news is since you made it up in the first place, you can change it, you can change your perceptions at any time. 

Because perception is the lens through which you view your version of reality.   So why not go with a version that’s empowering, frees up your mind so you can be fully present and live in the moment, because I promise you if you’re angry, anxious, or afraid about things going on in the world, you AIN’T LIVING IN THE PRESENT.  And guess where all your power is . . . IN THE PRESENT.

Many of us have things we aren’t comfortable with, are angry about, or otherwise have some negative feelings about right now.  Maybe something that happened in the past you wish you could change, maybe it’s politics, maybe it’s the pandemic, the vaccine or maybe it’s something closer to home.  

So, in a couple of minutes, I’m gonna give you a technique you can use to adjust your lens so that what you focus on and believe actually serve you.

In order to change your perception about an event, you have to change your beliefs about it.  That’s what your “lens” is.

So, think about a conflict you had that didn’t get resolved, maybe there’s something holding you back in some way and every time you even think about it you get triggered all over again like when it first happened! 

And if you get anxious, angry, frustrated about something that happened in the past OR WORSE something you’re afraid might happen in the future! . . .  IT’s controlling YOU . . . everytime . . .  Talk about the tail waggin’ the dog! 

Wouldn’t it be nice to not be controlled by a thought?? 

The trick to changing your perception is to gather more data before you make a judgement about good or bad, right or wrong, up or down, whatever.

For example, have you ever had an argument with someone, gotten really ticked off only to later find out more details that changed the way you saw it?  

What data was missing? Was it money, was it your ability to trust, was it health, was it fear of something happening in the future because it had in the past?

Once you really sit with yourself and uncover your beliefs based on missing data, you can really see “the bigger picture”. 

You can do this now for the experience, or I can email or text it so you can take it with you to practice later.  It’s very effective.  

First, bring to your mind that negative experience that you want to change because it keeps wagging you. 

Close your eyes and see it as if you are in a theater watching someone that, interestingly enough, looks like you on a big IMAX movie screen with no attachment to what was happening.  Just notice how they might have looked if they were unhappy, disgusted, poised to lash out, see how they were walking, standing or sitting, talking, had and head gestures, if there was an anxious look on their face, and notice how they reacted to what was going on.  

Get a sense of what that person’s beliefs about life or themself would HAVE TO BE in order for them to experience what happened as negative and run that scene to the end. 


Still with your eyes closed and sitting there munching popcorn or milk duds, cause I know how it is when you’re watching a movie and . . .  don’t wipe your greasy fingers on the chair . . . 

Just imagine that person looking relaxed, interested, engaged, feeling good about themselves, confident, feeling love in their heart.  If they’re not smiling, at least their face is neutral, like in a curious way.

Now see the same event happening on the screen, but this person is now in a much better state, they have new empowering beliefs, they recognize that God created them to be magnificent, that they were created to be A Center of Universal Light, our OWN center of universal light.  

Run that experience again from beginning to end, this time WITH ALL THESE new beliefs about themself, how differently do you think they’d respond?  

When you’re running feelings of confidence, security, curiosity, abundance, you walk differently, you smile more, your shoulders are back, your eyes are up and you feel like SUPERWOMAN!!! Or SUPERMAN! AND IN THAT MOMENT, your thoughts are better, your behavior is better and you’re more content.

Some call it having God’s favor or blessings, 

Well, I believe God is always flowing blessings to us, that we aren’t always in a state of “receiving it”. Do you understand the difference?  

When you have done YOUR work choosing your thoughts directing them to where you want them to go, THAT brings your heart closer and closer to the higher vibration the higher frequency of love. 

So do your work to control the only thing in this entire Universe that you can control (which is what???)  THOUGHTS  

CHOOSE to think good thoughts, 

CHOOSE to look for the positive intentions behind every your and other people’s behaviors.

CHOOSE to see events with an open heart

Choose love, choose love, so you can begin to experience life differently, YOU can begin adding joy and positivity in the world, remember what Spirit told Howard . . . What you have in your heart is what you see in the world.  Change your heart, change your world.  Change  your thoughts,, change your heart And you’ll begin to see more wonderful things about being alive right now. 

Because What you see will be what you Get. 

Choices and Curiosity

Are you watching the news, feeling sad, depressed, angry, afraid? Then wonder why the rest of your life is in the toilet?


The Choice is choosing where to put your attention.  Here’s what I mean. 

We all have a unique set of values.  When you have a high-level value such as “peace” or “joy” (as in, “I value peace and joy in my life above all else”) and you watch the news (I don’t care which outlet), and it creates a feeling of anxiety, anger, or anything OTHER than peace or joy, you WILL feel stress. 

If you value “love” and what you choose to watch, read, or listen to causes you to think, feel or behave outside of love for others, or yourself, you WILL feel stress.  

The same is true of Trust, Faith, Honesty, Integrity, and any other high-level value, even ones such as humor!

Curiosity is saying to yourself “What IS possible?”, “What’s the bigger picture?”, “What can I learn from the experiences 2020 offered?” 

Stress not only takes a toll on our emotional health but also our physical well-being.  

Begin by looking for ways to HONOR yourself by honoring your values. If you’re not honoring yourself or your values, how can you expect others to honor or value you?

The next time you watch the news, listen to someone on YouTube explaining some conspiracy theory, or watch a movie, simply ask yourself, “How does this make me feel?” Fearful? Anxious? Angry? 

Everyone is born with an amazing feedback system so we can make different choices that allow us to up-regulate our emotions; and, in up-regulating our emotions, we change our lives AND those around us.

So, you see?  You have the power of choice . . . to choose how you WANT to feel!

What are YOU struggling with?

If you’d like to make choices more congruent with who you are and who you want to be in order to feel a strong sense of purpose and greater joy in 2021, give me a call.

With love and light,
Kimberly Kelley
(615) 406-3689

Choices and Curiosity

Are You Living a Colorful Life?

A few months ago, an email came in promoting Matthew McConaughey’s book “Greenlights”.  And well, because it’s, you know, Matthew McConaughey, I was interested in the concept! But I digress.

I read the excerpt and contemplated my own greenlights. I thought about the times in my life when literally everything flowed OR when they went down the crapper. So, for my next Sunday talk at the Center of Universal Light, I began gathering more ideas on the colors of my thoughts and how they affected my feelings, emotions, my moods and then to see how those, for the most part, directed my behaviors . . . for better or worse.

Now traffic lights don’t normally inspire us, but when I contemplated how our thoughts behave just like traffic lights, I did a little closer look into how my own mind, my own thoughts can quickly change from one color to the next!  

Driving through Sedona recently, I hit every green light along my route. It was one of those times when you just feel like you’re in the flow.  

If you saw the movie “Corinna, Corinna” with Whoopi Goldberg and Ray Liotta?  Corinna (Whoopi) is hired by Manny (Ray Liotta) to be a housekeeper and Nanny to his 7-year-old Molly who is now non-verbal from grief over her mother’s recent death.  In her efforts to get Molly to open up and talk, Corinna took Molly and drove the family car to run errands.  Because Corinna knew the timing of the lights, every time they approached an intersection, she told Molly to blow at the traffic lights so they would turn green. Molly thought this was magic and that she was magical which gave her the confidence to speak again!

And life CAN be magic if we approach every intersection in our lives, not as something to dread or fear, but to see it as an adventure, an opportunity for creating something new, perhaps even taking a 90-degree turn!

Back in Sedona, I arrived at my friend’s house . . . several minutes early I might add.  And before I got out of my car, I imagined our thoughts blinking green, yellow, and red just like traffic lights.  

I read a very insightful blog along these lines and adopted the basic ideas, and adapting them to my personal experience and perspective. (If and when I relocate the original blog, I will link it here.)

On their own, these colors don’t have a lot of power, yet, they have the ability to open up the road before us or stop us in our tracks.

A really simple way to make your journey on the road of life is to notice the color of your thoughts. Now that might sound odd but stick with me because it’s a brilliant way to change your thoughts, to put you in any state of mind you choose.

We all have what’s called “internal dialogue” and it frames much of what we believe about ourselves and the world because it usually runs on a loop.  So, imagine that the constant inner dialogue you have running through your head was suddenly given a color. 

You may or may not know this, but our THOUGHTS are the only thing we actually have control of in our lives!  Granted you can’t control every single thought that flits in, but you can control what thoughts live rent-free in your mind.

And these thoughts can either smooth out the curves ahead of you or get in your way to sabotage you. 

So what I want you to do for the next couple of days is begin to observe your own thoughts and just notice their color and whether you’re moving full steam ahead or if you’re “stuck”. Do you feel good? You’re green! Feel like crap and mad at the world? You’re red.

So, here’s what I mean.

Exactly What Are Green Thoughts?

GREEN THOUGHTS are positive, empowering thoughts that say “You Go Girl!” They inspire us, move us forward, get us to take risks, try new things, and move us out of our comfort zones. They give us a positive spin on ourselves and our circumstances, our lives, and our world. 

When your thoughts are green you’re comfortable with yourself and the world around you  . . .and when you’re comfortable in that way, you’re not thinking “I don’t think they like me”, “I’m so stupid”, “What happens if it doesn’t work out”, “I’m too old to try that” . . . blah, blah, blah. . . instead your heart opens, your mind frees up, your awareness expands into that unlimited field of potential . . . . and you can see sooo  . . . . many . . . .more . . . possibilities and options!  

And so those of you who can see auras and energy fields know that green is the color of our heart chakra, and you’ve probably noticed many “Green Thinkers” are heart-based, coming from a frame of reference of Love instead of Fear in all areas of their lives.

The highest achievers are “Green Thinkers”. They react creatively within the moment in any situation, AND they make better quality decisions!  When they do this, they have the potential to turn that obstacle into an asset!

Are You Red in the Head?

RED THOUGHTS are the chatter in our minds of stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and our world.  These red Thoughts, these limiting beliefs, can and will stop us in our tracks with anger, fear, doubt, impatience, frustration,  . . .  wanting to move, but being frozen in our tracks, darting back and forth looking for an escape but not finding one because you’re in survival mode.

In survival mode, fear dominates and creativity shrivels . . . you’re on auto-pilot. 

Someone in Red Thinking can look at a clear road ahead and then fill it up with blocks and barriers . . . 

. . . But, but, but, I don’t have the experience, I’m not smart enough, the “I can’t”, I’ll look stupid, what if she dumps me?

Truth is . . . we all spend some time with Red Thoughts.  I think Abraham-Hicks would call it “contrast”, and in that respect they can be very useful.  We can discover our self-limiting beliefs and obstacles in our way in order  to know what we need to change.

But too many people live in Red Thoughts most of the time which keep them from reaching their own potential and blocks their happiness. 

When you find yourself immersed in Red Thoughts, ask yourself. . .  do I feel creative? Happy? Energetic?  Yeah . . . No.  You can’t do both at the same time. 

In fact, next time you have the thought, “I can’t or I’m not enough”, ask yourself, “says who?”  Is that your thought or is that someone else’s from your past (yes, even your parents).  

Red is the color of our base or root chakra and is predominantly related to fear . . . and then our survival instincts overtake our thoughts, disallowing room for creative problem solving.

Yellow is Mellow

NOW WE COME TO YELLOW THOUGHTS.  As humans, we don’t stay in yellow thoughts very long because for the most part, our thoughts are Green or Red. But yellow is a very beneficial and healing place to be.

Yellow Thoughts are non-judging, centering thoughts. They allow us to just be, to sit, to meditate, and to be completely free of any story–green or red. They are the place to re-energize, to re-center, or to transition from red to green. 

These are known as “observer” thoughts – this is where we can begin to observe the chatter and dialogue that is always running in our head, allowing us to look from a higher perspective. 

This is an important place to work towards, because the more time you spend time here, the more you will find yourself better equipped to notice when you are in Red Thinking and to make better choices of Green Thinking.

The color yellow is associated with the center chakra, located in your solar plexus, or gut and is often a place to connect with your authentic self, your personal power center.

Let’s return to the traffic signal analogy. Let’s say for a minute you get to be in charge of the metering system that sets the lights!

How to Choose and Change Your Own Thoughts

  1. Make it a point to notice the color of your thoughts.  Begin assigning green, yellow or red to your thoughts. For some people it’s easier to see the colors than to see and analyze what the actual thought it. 
  2. Allow yourself to be aware which colors you’re creating.  Purposefully practice thinking green thoughts.  The best way to start?  GRATITUDE.  I’ve talked about this before.  If you have to, begin with things we take for granted. “I’m thankful to have two legs, I’m thankful to have car that runs, I’m thankful for my pet, etc.”  Start somewhere, anywhere and move into higher levels of gratitude.  “I’m so blessed to have wonderful friends, to have a community that loves me, to have a partner to share my life with, and then . . .
  3. Practice changing the color – if something or someone has tripped you up for a long time, and you feel a VERY heavy negative charge, you might not be able to move from red to green.  This is a perfect thought to practice with.  Change from red to yellow, then yellow to green.

    Here’s how to easily get from red to yellow.  

    Dissociate from the red thought by floating outside of your body.  Anyone who has practiced astral projection or has imagined themselves on a beach, on a cruise, in the mountains or driving the car of their dreams while sitting in their home in Cottonwood, AZ can do it.  Why do we dissociate?  To get your emotions out of the way.  Remember our thoughts generate our emotions and our emotions generate our behaviors, so by getting our emotions out of the mix, we can simply observe our thoughts and behavior from that higher perspective which makes it much easier to change from red to yellow and then . . . to green.  If you’re feeling sad, angry, afraid, focus on the color yellow. You’ll be able to become an observer rather than a victim of your thoughts.
  4. Lastly, begin noticing the color green everywhere you go.  Every time you see something green, you’ll remember this suggestion to think a green thought.  

Make it fun, make it a game and notice how quickly you can turn disappointments, fear, failure, anger, sadness into something more useful like hope, happiness curiosity, creativity, maybe ALL of that . . .   and allow all the possibilities the Universe has to offer . . . help you create YOUR most colorful life.  

Living a Colorful Life

Where I Go, Ego!

Raise your hand if you believe we are all individual expressions of the Divine and we live our lives so that the Divine can become more of what it is and by extension, so can we.  Don’t worry, there’s no right or wrong answer and no one’s keeping score.  I’m just curious.  

The first time I heard that was well, a long time ago . . . and from that moment, I knew that I was special . . . . OK not THAT kinda special, the kind that lets me know that I’m unique and free to grow, to have my own preferences, to make mistakes, learn from them . . . or not! . . .  to be who I want to be, to create my own experiences, and still have that loving connection with The One of many names.

This individuation has been called “ego”, which simply means “I” in Latin.  I just wanted to lay some framework around this because personally I believe ego gets a bad rap.  And that has led to this uprising by those who try to convince us that we have to “shed” our egos in order to attain oneness! 

And that leads me to . . .  Where I Go, Ego.

Now we’re all BORN with egos and as an infant, “I am the universe”.  How do we know that?  Because as infants we could care less what your needs are and it’s that Ego that makes sure we get our needs met. Food, drink, dry diaper, play, touch, and then somewhere along the way, we look around and realize that “hey, I’m not alone”!

So why is there so much talk about shedding the one thing we use to self-identify and distinguish ourselves from others? 

I don’t remember who I was talking to that inspired me to go down this particular rabbit hole but from a spiritual standpoint, I was offended . . . then I quickly realized that was just my ego talking . . . LOL!  Then I wanted to understand why some new thought leaders and gurus insist that the only way we can attain “Oneness” is to shed our egos.  

I completely understand the concept of Oneness, but I figure in the next 30 years or so, I will in all likelihood shed my ego . . . along with my body  . . . and return to Oneness.   I can tell you, I’ll be a happier person having maintained my ego because I will have contributed to the cause of living a fully integrated life with me and my ego.

Now I’m not talking about having a “big ego”, I’m talking about having the opportunity to develop values of my own, separate from my parents and siblings, to find out what makes me happy, what fulfills me, what my purpose is and how I can share all of that with others.

I know I talk a lot about values, but I can’t overstate how important they are to living a fully actuated, integrated, magical life.

So shed our egos?  Maybe what we should be shedding is the judgment about our egos. 

Isn’t ego just a sense of our own personal identity?  

Why would we want to rid ourselves of that???? 

Some extreme fundamentalist type people even talk about it like it’s some evil part of ourselves that we have to “cut off”, “shed” . . . “If thy left eye offends thee, cut it out”  If thy ego offends thee kill it”.  

I think the question is Is our ego being fed by “needs” or by “values?” That’s where I I see the distinction. 

Do you know the difference?

Let’s say in the context of CUL, I have values of authenticity and love.  If my ego is fed by my values and I present a well thought out talk with practical information anyone can use, then I feel really good inside knowing I gave a good talk, no matter if I made some mistakes or mispronounced something.  

If my ego is fed by needs such as respect and influence, I will look to others to validate me and my talk and if they don’t give it to me I won’t be a happy camper.

Maybe it’s important to you to just have fun, so you get on the dance floor and flail around while others laugh at you, and you laugh along with them because you just don’t care what they think.  You’re meeting your own need by being in alignment with having fun.  

You wanna talk about oneness? 

There is NO closer connection to oneness . . . than walking in alignment and integrity with your values.

But here’s what happens

People demostrate big egos, are in reality very insecure and their ego is so driven by need, that they have to have constant input from others such as accolades, approval, attention, adoration, (wow, they all start with A’s), that they will never have enough, never feel fulfilled, satisfied, or truly happy.  

And here’s the kicker. If they don’t get what they need . . . they feel like a victim.

 You may or may not know someone like this, but when people who are operating from need and they don’t get it from others, they act out like 3-year-olds.  They lash out, scream, throw things, they bully and maybe tweet.   

When they do that, we call the ego bad.  It might even be called toxic, and evil.  Maybe that’s a convenient way to try to put the blame on something so we can be judged, shamed, and be convinced that we HAVE to get rid of it.  

How do we call that Oneness?   

Now just like the 3 year old, I think most of us probably have a part of ourselves that occasionally acts like that . . . if we don’t feel like others meet our needs. Many times, we don’t even know what the actual need is.  

I want you to do something with me:  This is something we learned in Neuro Linguistic Programming:  I’m teaching it to you.

I want you to know right here, right now . . . that all behavior we call good or bad has a positive intent behind it.  I want you to think back on the last time you got angry yelled at someone, or even shut down.  

What need or needs were you NOT getting met?  What was the positive intent behind the “bad” behavior?  Respect? Love? security, safety, abundance?

Once you know, you can then find new POSITIVE ways to meet your OWN values and needs.  When you meet your own values and needs, your life will change in a truly magical way because you will never again have to have someone validate you or your feelings.  THAT’s Oneness!

Maybe the better strategy is to shed the JUDGMENT of our egos. 

Then and only then can we truly claim that we have achieved Oneness.

Get comfortable everyone and take a few deep breaths in.  

Begin to imagine a gold light about 3 or 4 inches above your crown chakra.  See it begin to shimmer as the light 

Are Your Thoughts Hurting Your Health?

Even before I submerged myself in Neuro Linguistic Programming, I knew that what I was thinking was manifesting somewhere in my life.  More specifically, those thoughts that I repeated over and over, reinforcing them almost daily.

Have you ever said to yourself:

—“I’m so depressed”, “I’ll never be able to get back in shape”, “No matter what I eat, I just keep gaining (or losing) weight”, ”I’ve got no energy” —

Then this blog will offer some insight and hopefully help you begin to understand how you can change not only your health, but your relationships, your work and more.

Each year, the Air Force allowed us to take 30 days’ leave. The place I always went home to was Bisbee, Arizona, where my Mom and Step-Dad lived for many years.  I loved their home, I loved seeing my family, but at that time in my life, my mom and I were at odds about most everything. . . my lifestyle, my behavior, my choice of men (OK, actually had a point there!) and I wasn’t exactly a joy to be around.

Over the years, I learned that if I was not feeling well or just plain sick, I got lots of attention and unconditional love and I wasn’t expected to participate in any normal, healthy family gathering because I was, you know, “sick”.  

It was a strategy that I could employ ANY time I didn’t want to participate in something, engage with someone(s), or go somewhere.

I got so good at it that, I no longer had to “claim” to be sick, I WAS actually becoming sicker and sicker.  I began spending more time in bed with a variety of ailments, migraine headaches, allergies, colds, flu, upset stomach, fevers, weakness, low energy (gee, I wonder why).

The first inkling I had that I was creating this for myself was as I was getting ready to leave a very enlightened friend’s house.  I told her I was tired (in my defense, it was after midnight) and she said, you’re not tired, you’re just bored.  My head spun trying to figure out what that meant.  

The next morning, I called her and asked her to tell me more.  Even though she wasn’t an NLP coach, she introduced me to the concept of self-talk, and how our thoughts affect us. “You know you create your own reality”, she explained.

And I was hooked.  

I didn’t particularly care for my reality at the time and was ready to create a new one.

Since that day, I’ve been on a quest to understand my thoughts and how they show up in my life.  This isn’t a “one and done” thing, either.  

Once I made the decision to change, I heard about, studied and applied principles of Science of Mind Church, read the Power of Positive Thinking, and any number of self-help books, and listened to Power Thinkers like Tony Robbins.  Each built on the other, but I wasn’t really seeing the change I wanted.

My health slowly improved, I reduced my alcohol intake, I began playing competitive tennis again, and as I not only began to feel better, I got stronger, more confident, and my closest friends said I looked 15 years younger that my chronological age. Yes, life was improving, but I wanted more results.

The problem for me was that I didn’t really know how to apply it all in my life.  I needed help.

In addition to that, due to my long term relationship with someone I felt was emotionally imbalanced, I had created a strategy of remaining stoic and only choosing to do what I could to feel better and be happy.  

After many years that strategy became my built in pattern.  I had only allowed myself to cry maybe 3 times in as many decades.  I realized that I hadn’t used my emotions, so I lost them as I lost myself.  I couldn’t even cry at sad events or movies or weep at joyful happenings, I felt like Carmen Diaz in “The Holiday”.

Once I moved back to Arizona, I was introduced by a mutual friend in Sedona, to Sandra Vesterstein and in the first 5 minutes we met, Sandra had me figured out in my work area of life.  We would be working together, so she needed to know how I organized my thoughts, if I needed praise from her or if my own internal good feelings about my work were enough, if I distorted, deleted or generalized information, so that she could communicate with me on a conscious AND subconscious level.

I never had a clue she was doing that.  It was so conversational, I just thought she was interested in me!  LOL.

She explained it afterwards, and again . . . 

. . . I was hooked.

I took the next 16 day intensive and interactive NLP / Hypnotherapy class she offered and guess what?  I found my emotions again. I was able to express them, making me feel like my true, loving, compassionate, joyful self.

I have since taken the Advanced NLP training and am now in Thrive Learning Collective’s NLP MasterClass, which, just when I feel I have a good understanding of one of the principles behind a process, I have yet ANOTHER “Aha” moment which leads me to an even deeper understanding of why I love this work and helping my clients.

Each week of the MasterClass brings me more and more learnings about myself and how best to help my clients on their journey to health and a happy life.

By first, guiding them to release phobias, anxiety, PTSD, negative thinking, grief, childhood trauma, and more, they learn new ways of being that were there underneath it all, just waiting to come to the surface.   

Every client session gives me more insight to my clients’ “map of the world”, seeing life through their eyes without judgment of their behavior or beliefs.  

Completely mind-expanding.

There is soooo much more to these concepts and I’m happy to share it with you as we continue on our journey together.

If you’re ready to release those thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that just aren’t working for you, then call me (615) 406-3689 or email me for your complimentary 30 minute session and together we’ll create a program for you.  If you already have an interest in coaching or in becoming a more effective NLP coach, contact Sandra at (802) 598-6078 or visit

2021 – A Year of Living Passionately

Don’t you just love that feeling when you’re passionate about something?  Yeah, me too! It truly is the life blood of everything we do.  

I haven’t heard it in a while, but I remember hearing and using the phrase, “that really got my juices flowing!” 

And you know what that juice is?  It’s the God Force.  May the force be with you!  And let me tell you when you’re flying around in those space ships fighting the Empire in a Galaxy far, far away, you’re probably feeling pretty passionate about not getting your butt blown out of the sky, right?

But, back in our galaxy, passion is that God Force that when you really want to be, do, or have something that you don’t have any conflicting beliefs about, and that desire lines up with your higher conscious, you, my friend, are tuned in, tapped in, turned on with your Creator, your God.

Now I realize that many of us are of a certain age shall we say?  And some have actually retired.  Retirement in Spanish is jubilación. Jubilation. Celebration. We have paid our dues. We have contributed to society. Now it’s our time, and it’s a great time. And that doesn’t mean we retire from life or from our passions.  I have chosen to stay passionate, engaged with an open heart. I am working on it every day. Want to join me? 

I believe that passion flows from Universal Energies.  No matter what ya call it, it’s like any electrical appliance or equipment. when a blender is plugged into the power outlet, the “potential” is always there, but the electricity, the energy, doesn’t flow unless the appliance is turned on and what happens?  The circuit is completed, the energy flows, you’ve got a smoothie and Bob’s your Uncle.  

So I see our flow of passion like Electricity to the blender.  On our own we don’t generate passion.  What does the passion is when we are aligned with our Source.  

Just like the blender when it taps into the source of electricity, when it “lines up” or in our case, when we get “juiced up” about something . . .  a new idea, a new project, an exciting adventure, and we tap into and align our desires with the God Force energy and that completes the circuit so her energy, her passion can flow right through us and we flow it back to her. 

I gave a talk several months ago on Co-Creating with the Quantum God.  If you remember, the main plot of my talk was that we are constantly gathering information.  We take this information, we have our own experiences, expand a little more, then send that information to the Universe, who takes the information we send and essentially goes through the same process, sending the info back to us, setting up this wonderful symbiotic relationship, from which we can experience passion.  We could also call it love, but passion is so much more fiery!

So, even though we aren’t the source of passion, I think there are several things we can do.  


Life’s complicated.  There are so many facets to life, that a passion for simplification really starts with either fixing or removing convoluted parts of your life. That may be relationships or friendships that have run their course, looking for a less stressful job, or thinning out a bunch of material items that you have no real use for anymore.

Simplification can help reduce your stress, making it easier to interpret situations, and making better decisions in the overall grand scheme of things.

“If you don’t get out of the box you’ve been raised in, you won’t understand how much bigger the world is.” ― Angelina Jolie


Many psychologists recommend new activities can be a means of getting out of a rut like rediscovering old passions, and finding new ones. This doesn’t mean you need to sign up for sky-diving lessons or need to step completely outside of your comfort zone. 


Your values and beliefs are what drive your Faith.  If you aren’t acting within the  values and beliefs that you have created for yourself (not somebody elses), but YOU, you don’t feel so great emotionally OR spiritually and you have a real disconnect between you and the Universe or the Divine Spirit. 

You see, that’s why our “Faith” or our spiritual paths are so Unique to us. No one can dictate our values . . . hah, Goddess knows that many try to, but in the end we establish our own.  

So commit to doing one thing each morning for 5 or 10 minutes before you become bombarded with information and activity.  For Christian perspective, read the daily word, then consider how you might be acting outside of your values and beliefs.

Maybe you prefer meditating or performing morning rituals, or simply praying, just do something to bring yourself back to yourself, your values and beliefs.  You might discover they have been handed down for generations and don’t really work for you.  You also might RE-discover the passion you have for pursuing your path and you might discover another than is more in alignment with those values and beliefs that you created for yourself.   


I mean, who else are you going to spend the rest of your life with?? HMMM?

So invest your time or money into yourself, your self-improvement, and future development.  That’s always a good way to begin to live passionately.   

You don’t need a lot of money and in many cases, you don’t need any.  There are more than enough YouTube videos and free and low cost classes on Udemy to help you find ways to improve some area of your life.  

A good way to spark passion in yourself is to do things worth feeling good about. Do some volunteer work, help some random people out, or find a way to contribute positively to the world with the skill-set that you have.


Check your eating, get out and walk, exercise, even do chair yoga if you have physical limitations.

Because, nothing will kill passion quicker than living life as . . . a couch potato.  I know first hand.  It was in the month leading up to my hip surgery, when pretty much all I could do was lay around 24/7.  I was in a lot of pain and had NO motivation and the only passion I had was for my upcoming surgery.  

The body is a machine that must be taken care of if we want it to perform well for an extended period of time.

Developing a passion for health and fitness will not only help with physical health, but it helps improve our mental and emotional states and overall well-being.

I mean, have you ever seen an unmotivated athlete or someone dedicated to exercising regularly.  Walking into the gym, you can just smell that passion . . . OK, it’s probably sweat, but work with me . . . you get my meaning.


This is one of the most important parts of the exercise.

At a certain point in our young adult life, our parents, teachers, tell us to “grow up”, give up our childish dreams and behavior.   And eventually many of us begin to believe that we need to give up our childhood dreams and settle for something more reasonable.

That’s why this step is so important.

Take out a notebook and start writing down all the things you’ve ever loved to do as a kid.  Start as far back as you can remember and run all the way up to now.  But only write down things you had a real passion for. The things that you used to LIVE for!  For me it was whichever sport was in season and in the summer, spending all day at the Kearny swimming pool. 

As you list these things, pay attention to how each item makes you feel.  Does something jump out at you? Is there something you’re crazy eager to try or to do again for the first time in years?

Also, maybe this exercise has made you think of something you have always wanted to do but, for one reason or another, were never able or allowed to. Write those things down as well.

These are things you can feel good about choosing to do, not just for others, but for yourself.



Look for reasons to laugh every day.  It’s great for our emotional and mental health.  It helps us to be less rigid, to take life less seriously, and allow love and passion to flow more spontaneously to and from the Creator. 

Laughing also helps us socially.  It ramps up our passion.  Let’s face it would you rather spend “quality time” with a couch potato or someone filled with passion?

When we understand that arrogance and pride just get in the way of our passion, we take a huge step forward. When we don’t take ourselves so seriously, it allows us more humility, so we are less sensitive to criticism, teasing, and other people’s opinions.

In the end, all of this helps us to feel better about ourselves, to connect with the Divine Light from which passion flows.

Laugh with me . . .

AND Remember the words of the poet Maya Angelou: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Year of Living Passionately

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