Where I Go, Ego!

Raise your hand if you believe we are all individual expressions of the Divine and we live our lives so that the Divine can become more of what it is and by extension, so can we.  Don’t worry, there’s no right or wrong answer and no one’s keeping score.  I’m just curious.  

The first time I heard that was well, a long time ago . . . and from that moment, I knew that I was special . . . . OK not THAT kinda special, the kind that lets me know that I’m unique and free to grow, to have my own preferences, to make mistakes, learn from them . . . or not! . . .  to be who I want to be, to create my own experiences, and still have that loving connection with The One of many names.

This individuation has been called “ego”, which simply means “I” in Latin.  I just wanted to lay some framework around this because personally I believe ego gets a bad rap.  And that has led to this uprising by those who try to convince us that we have to “shed” our egos in order to attain oneness! 

And that leads me to . . .  Where I Go, Ego.

Now we’re all BORN with egos and as an infant, “I am the universe”.  How do we know that?  Because as infants we could care less what your needs are and it’s that Ego that makes sure we get our needs met. Food, drink, dry diaper, play, touch, and then somewhere along the way, we look around and realize that “hey, I’m not alone”!

So why is there so much talk about shedding the one thing we use to self-identify and distinguish ourselves from others? 

I don’t remember who I was talking to that inspired me to go down this particular rabbit hole but from a spiritual standpoint, I was offended . . . then I quickly realized that was just my ego talking . . . LOL!  Then I wanted to understand why some new thought leaders and gurus insist that the only way we can attain “Oneness” is to shed our egos.  

I completely understand the concept of Oneness, but I figure in the next 30 years or so, I will in all likelihood shed my ego . . . along with my body  . . . and return to Oneness.   I can tell you, I’ll be a happier person having maintained my ego because I will have contributed to the cause of living a fully integrated life with me and my ego.

Now I’m not talking about having a “big ego”, I’m talking about having the opportunity to develop values of my own, separate from my parents and siblings, to find out what makes me happy, what fulfills me, what my purpose is and how I can share all of that with others.

I know I talk a lot about values, but I can’t overstate how important they are to living a fully actuated, integrated, magical life.

So shed our egos?  Maybe what we should be shedding is the judgment about our egos. 

Isn’t ego just a sense of our own personal identity?  

Why would we want to rid ourselves of that???? 

Some extreme fundamentalist type people even talk about it like it’s some evil part of ourselves that we have to “cut off”, “shed” . . . “If thy left eye offends thee, cut it out”  If thy ego offends thee kill it”.  

I think the question is Is our ego being fed by “needs” or by “values?” That’s where I I see the distinction. 

Do you know the difference?

Let’s say in the context of CUL, I have values of authenticity and love.  If my ego is fed by my values and I present a well thought out talk with practical information anyone can use, then I feel really good inside knowing I gave a good talk, no matter if I made some mistakes or mispronounced something.  

If my ego is fed by needs such as respect and influence, I will look to others to validate me and my talk and if they don’t give it to me I won’t be a happy camper.

Maybe it’s important to you to just have fun, so you get on the dance floor and flail around while others laugh at you, and you laugh along with them because you just don’t care what they think.  You’re meeting your own need by being in alignment with having fun.  

You wanna talk about oneness? 

There is NO closer connection to oneness . . . than walking in alignment and integrity with your values.

But here’s what happens

People demostrate big egos, are in reality very insecure and their ego is so driven by need, that they have to have constant input from others such as accolades, approval, attention, adoration, (wow, they all start with A’s), that they will never have enough, never feel fulfilled, satisfied, or truly happy.  

And here’s the kicker. If they don’t get what they need . . . they feel like a victim.

 You may or may not know someone like this, but when people who are operating from need and they don’t get it from others, they act out like 3-year-olds.  They lash out, scream, throw things, they bully and maybe tweet.   

When they do that, we call the ego bad.  It might even be called toxic, and evil.  Maybe that’s a convenient way to try to put the blame on something so we can be judged, shamed, and be convinced that we HAVE to get rid of it.  

How do we call that Oneness?   

Now just like the 3 year old, I think most of us probably have a part of ourselves that occasionally acts like that . . . if we don’t feel like others meet our needs. Many times, we don’t even know what the actual need is.  

I want you to do something with me:  This is something we learned in Neuro Linguistic Programming:  I’m teaching it to you.

I want you to know right here, right now . . . that all behavior we call good or bad has a positive intent behind it.  I want you to think back on the last time you got angry yelled at someone, or even shut down.  

What need or needs were you NOT getting met?  What was the positive intent behind the “bad” behavior?  Respect? Love? security, safety, abundance?

Once you know, you can then find new POSITIVE ways to meet your OWN values and needs.  When you meet your own values and needs, your life will change in a truly magical way because you will never again have to have someone validate you or your feelings.  THAT’s Oneness!

Maybe the better strategy is to shed the JUDGMENT of our egos. 

Then and only then can we truly claim that we have achieved Oneness.

Get comfortable everyone and take a few deep breaths in.  

Begin to imagine a gold light about 3 or 4 inches above your crown chakra.  See it begin to shimmer as the light 

Published by Kimberly Kelley

I'm a cord-cutting expert. I guide clients to let go of anything that prevents them from becoming a calm and happy non-smoker, non-drinker, results oriented thinker with confidence, love, peace. I am also the Spiritual Director at the Spiritual Center I co-founded in 2017. My play time involves dancing, playing pickleball, working out with my personal trainer, riding my bike and spending time with my family and #1 squeeze, my Shih Tzu, Katie Isabella Kelley.

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